Something Something, Tell Me Something

There is something rather remarkable about this channel called ETC. This channel, also known as Extra Terrestrial Channel, believes in only playing bad music. At times, yes, it does play pathetic music, but usually, it's bad music. Of course, I'm not counting the times it plays abominable music, and the times it plays despicable music. And the very few occaisons they decide to play atrocious music.

See, momma! I did refer to the thesaurus as you had instructed me to.

Altaf Raja, Vispi, Raja - ETC was the channel that introduced me to legends like these, and now, the channel has introduced me to another hero.

It all begin when I was surfing channels, wondering what to watch on my box, er, on the idiot-box, I mean. Aimlessly, indiscriminately, I switched from channel to channel, from mindlessness to mindlessness. Until I came across a pair of legs.

Now, nothing can beat a pair of legs when it comes to making me stop the surfing exercise and have my eyeballs glued to the tube, ogling away. For one of the topics we guys discuss, when together, are songs that are meant to be only seen, not heard.

But the masochist in me wanted to hear the song, too. There was a part of me that warned me, that I would regret it all my life, that I need to preserve whatever little sanity I possess, but the simultaneous anticipation of the joy that self-inflicted torture brings forced me to increase the volume. I heard something.

Something something. Something something.

Er, those are the lyrics, if you thought that I got stuck (Wouldn't the song be an amazing commercial for Fevicol? So would Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo huzoor, tera tera tera suroor, for that matter).

Now I wonder whether Mika was inspired by Shah Rukh Khan's constant sermonising that 'something something happens when you are in love' in Karan Johar's gayfully colourful (no pun intended) Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, but do song lyrics get more inane than this? To use the line of an underwear ad (of all the things to be inspired from), I thought I had heard it all, but this ... (maybe SRK is the inspiration, indeed, albeit in a different way. There is a song of Shah Rukh's that goes something like 'kuch toh bataa, arre kuch toh bataa')

Another mindless caper currently on air, is Sandeep Chowta's latest track 'Mallika, I hate you (but I wanna touch you)', which has weird synthesized loops, mixed with Sonu Kakkad wailing/screeching/squealing/I-don't-care-what away. While Chowta has constantly denied that the Mallika in question is a certain Ms. Sherawat, it's rather evident that the name has been chosen primarily to garner publicity. The concept is fine - a diva whom everyone desires, but cannot get. But no, musically, the song doesn't work for me.

I wonder, does the same Chowta who gave us brilliant background scores in films like Satya, Company and Asoka, among others, and songs like Roundhe, Kambaqht Ishq and Dum (the former two tunes may not be original, but at the end of the day, all three are fine songs, indeed) need such gimmickry? Give me a good song, Mr. Chowta, and I'll buy your album, a Mallika fan would be content with watching Darna Zaroori Hai.

While on Ms. Sherawat, I thought of aping her by calling Mika 'My-ka', just the way she calls Fido Dido 'Fy-do'. I thought it would give his trashy songs a metallic zing. But then, the threatening letters I got from Mudra Institute of Communications, Ahmedabad made me think otherwise.

Erm, that last paragraph involved a lot of thinking ... better sign off now, my poor brain can't handle so much of thinking, especially after the mental torture it had to endure because of those two songs.